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Metal Warrior Press Release

Metal Warrior Announces The Release Of Eponymous Hard Seltzer

Band Known For Music & Righteous Battles Across TSDC Cranks It UP

Earth Date 25.10.2021 - Metal Warrior, the group of, well, warriors, known for coming across time, space and dimension to play epic metal music and fight righteous battles have announced the release of Metal Warrior Hard Seltzer. 

“Our press consultant recommended not using the word ‘eponymous’ in the title above, due to the risk of confusion by…and how shall I put this in today’s tenderized everybody-gets-a-trophy world…the not so bright stars in the universe,” said Pskydin guitarist, singer and noted Lycan. “I imagine press consultants are great if you want to play down to the masses, but as you can see with our *ahem* eponymous seltzers, we play down to no one.”

Indeed Metal Warrior Hard Seltzers clock in at the ‘stand up and take notice’ level of flavor and intensity. Exactly what you would expect from the galacticly feared and admired quartet.

“Releasing branded hard seltzers, merch and other such things are not exactly our…what’s that word you use Sky?…ah yes, bailiwick,” admitted guitarist, singer and warrior queen Va. “We don’t tend to focus on such trivialities, as we have solar systems to save and music to play.” 

The four inaugural flavors each depict well known scenes from the group’s historic epic escapades, along with short musical ‘stingers’ that reflects each of the member’s selection for their scene. It’s important to note that the band likens listening to the stingers via tinny smart phone speakers akin to the idea of drinking the seltzers through a straw. Not only the wrong way to do it, but should one of the band members witness the crime to good taste, they warn that the culprit may find themselves learning what it feels like to be on the receiving Malaçatianesque end of the fury of their disdain. Speaking of Malaçatians….

The Crushed Souls of Our Enemies portrays the Battle of Enngör in which the four warriors defeated the Malaçite army. “I chose this name and scene as I relish the remembrance of the agony of the fallen,” recalls Pskydin. “Their screams echo as melodies in my memories, as the cries of agony signaled the release of their souls. I drink in that moment under the twin moons of Senndör whenever I need psychic nourishment, which has provided such for a very very long time even though it was in another dimension and many centuries ago.”

Axe Kicker celebrates the initial meeting when Pskydin, Torq, and the ever mysterious Quandamm first appeared to Queen Va. “I had sensed their presence for what you humans would call a ‘lifetime’ before their arrival. Though I could feel their power and vibration before their arrival through Quan’s temporal tear, I did not know their full measure, and questioned their degree of worthiness. And I was so full of myself,” laughed Queen Va. “It now seems as if from another epoch.” 

The Velutian White Ape depicts the band’s journey towards the slave planet of Grindcore (a name previously known across space for its oppression, and now, co-opted as a result of the warrior’s efforts as a positive moniker for a musical style that celebrates the kind of freedom that can only be found in righteous aggression). One can see clearly the determination on the faces of the four (well, three of them anyway) as they hurtle towards their destiny to free the Four Galaxies from slavery, not fully knowing the outcome and understanding that failure would mean not only their destruction, but for millions of others as well. The battle, in which the band’s Velutian drummer Torqoon Aaganathym Maüvvestoom returns to Grindcore, the location of his own gladiatorial captivity to free that society from the scourge of slave culture. The story is well known from The Book Of Grindcore need not be related here.

The Black Blade shows the infamous Temporal Time Loop in which the four found themselves chasing an elusive group through constantly opening and closing temporal shifts in an effort to battle and determine who these mysterious beings were just ahead of them. It turned out to be themselves they were chasing. “We were doing that for either a nanosecond, or for eons, depending on how you look at it,” chuckled Pskydin with a weary laugh. “It was like a fever dream. I have no fucking idea why our heavily armored bassist decided to pick that scene from our…past? eternal future?…as I have known nothing more frightening to my core than an nanosecond long eternal timeloop in a cosmic diorama. Though Quan wouldn’t say, I suspect it’s because it’s a time in our history in which they killed nothing and no one. I’ve never known someone that’s killed so many yet detests killing so much. At least they’ve all been righteous kills…as far as I know.”

About Metal Warrior

Known throughout the time, space and dimension construct (TSDC) as epic warriors with a reputation for righteous battles, intense music, and drinking in the crushed souls of their enemies, this is the band’s first foray into the Consumer Packaged Goods (CPG) space. “Give me a sword, a guitar, a temporal shift, the right helm of the Velutian’s space ship, or nearly anything in the TSDC and I’m in my element,” exclaimed Pskydin. “But I’ll fully own that CPG are outside of my immediate expertise. I look forward to our work with the Arrogant Consortia to bring this product to fans, as there’s no timeless guardian entity like the Arrogant Bastard himself to fully understand and assist in bringing forth our vision.”